what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize