You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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