you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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