Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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