Me too!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize