Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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