I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
