he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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