There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
