You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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