i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
