Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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