I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
