Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
