I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
