I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
