ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
