i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sarcasm needs its own font
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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