You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize