Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dear god my vagina.
Come on in and take your pants off
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