How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
