You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think people are normalizing furries
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
