What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
