im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
