Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
