I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
