My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
