my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
