so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize