I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
