no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
