i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
