You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
