Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
