1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
