Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
