Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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