So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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