my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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