having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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