I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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