Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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