The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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