I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize