I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize