just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
