Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
