I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
