Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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