dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
