OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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