there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
