He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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