I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
