I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
