trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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