whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
