My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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