I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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