wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
