You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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