i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i think im in europe. pls send help
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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