There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
