Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
