made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
