i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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