I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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