I cannot find my penis.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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