Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
