I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
