part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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