I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
