You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
