fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
